“Honey, do you love me?”

“What do you mean? Is it not obvious that I love you? I’m always cooking and cleaning for you! I always do nice things for you! You never do anything nice for me! How do I know if you even love me?”

“Of course I do! I always tell you how much I love your cooking and how beautiful you are. I tell you all the time how much I value everything about you.”

Does this sound all too familiar to you? This situation completely described my parents about year ago. I knew they loved each other, but why was it not coming across that way?

Their different ways of expressing love led to many arguments and miscommunications because they could never understand each other. Some days they felt like love had gone astray because they just couldn’t get along.

One day I picked up the New York Times Bestseller The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman who flawlessly describes that we all have a primary love language that speaks immensely to our soul. There are five love languages in total: Words of Affirmations, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Generally, the way we express our love is the way we understand it, and when two people express their love differently it can lead to confusion or even heartache.

After reading this book I realized that my mother, a very nurturing type, showed her love through Acts of Services, meaning she expressed her love for my father by taking care of him through household chores. My father on the other hand showed his love through Words of Affirmations by verbally expressing words of appreciation and encouragement.

When I shared this with them their faces lit up! If my father could do a really nice act of service for my mother such as cleaning up the garden, and my mother could praise him with compliments of what a good job he did, they would both feel so appreciated and loved because they spoke each other’s language. They realized that their love was definitely still there but they were just expressing it in a way the other couldn’t understand.

So if you ever find yourself in a situation where you don’t know how your partner feels, just remember we all express our love in different ways. Maybe have a discussion with him/her about these five love languages and your relationship could change for the better!

Check out a description of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. Which one speaks to you the most?

- Pia Edberg, a social psychology expert currently working for SAP Canada in human resources and as their Global Diversity Champion.